How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
