Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
