Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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