I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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