i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
