You smell like a Billy Joel song
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
