There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
