oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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