is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
