I'm pants shitting drunk right now
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
