Michael Bay diarrhea
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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