My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
