the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
