No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I smell like Dick and happiness
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
