I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
