I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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