I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
