Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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