why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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