She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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