We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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