On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
