I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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