sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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