Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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