end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
