By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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