areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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