This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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