You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
