me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
