paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
