mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
