How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
