One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
