some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
