made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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