i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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