Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
