Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
