You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
