Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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