For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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