Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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