As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
