you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
