how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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