Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
