WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
