I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
