Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
