i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
